Friday, 24 November 2017

Having Children and Having Your Career

Do you ever feel so torn between your career and being a mum? Or the amount of guilt you feel because you want to do something or even one thing for yourself whilst being mummy?

I do.....

I read an article the other day from Fergie the pop singer (in the dailymail) and it just caught my attention and I really felt I could relate to some of the things she mentioned...She started the article off with this statement;
"As a woman... the men can have all the career in the world and still have children. If you're a mum and you have a career... it's the mummy shaming: you can't do that anymore, you're a mum!."

This really saddens me... the amount of intensity and loneliness us a mums already go through transitioning from an independent ambitious woman to then becoming a mummy- where your life goes on hold for that first year/two/ten years/ever and then you hear 'mummy shaming'... *sad face*
 Luckily I actually do not come across 'mummy shaming', I actually come across ' How the f**k do you parent full time and work self employed WITH NO NANNY' .... that in itself literally says 'Career out the window...- because it is hard... however it is possible- I am doing it and so are a lot of other mummies!'

She then pulls me in even more as she mentions about her first time leaving her child to go to the studio and was in floods of tears.... now how many people can relate to this? ... definitely me
I remember the first time I left Carter (my first) I was crying so much.. and even with Jaxton-Black(11 month old) I cried and cheered at the same time hehe- second time round is definitely a little bit different because there is no breathing you do look forward to breathing/going toilet on your own hehe. Leaving your kids is very hard but I do believe it can be healthy for you and for them to an extent, however some have no choice which I completely understand too...

Fergie (pop singer) then quoted;

"What am I supposed to do? I love singing and dancing. It is who I am as a human."

This I can incredibly relate too.... Incredibly relate too. I absolutely love my career- I love helping women through their pregnancy and postpregnancy- it is who I am but I obviously adore my babies too. Men or even just the one with the biggest income' can actually have the best of both worlds' but just because you do not bring in the most money does that mean you career should take the backseat? Your career is just as important- it is you.... and what if your career actually has the potential to be big? Of course your babies will always be your number one but you are allowed to be you too...
I think us mothers put a lot of guilt on ourselves- too much guilt... when we are entitled to have a life too.. ' A Happy Mummy- A Happy Home' and I truly believe that.

I remember having my first baby boy; Carter. I did literally give up my career and it made me feel like shit. I felt I had lost my identity- the person I were, I remember having really down days. So this time round I have pushed my career even more and kept myself in the loop and returned to work much quicker. To be honest I do look forward to work it's actually a little break/a refresher, when I train my clients/teach my classes I feel like Kimmy and not just mummy'mummy..hehe...

With my work growing and becoming more demanding- time is needed and not just the time when I put my babies to sleep because there is a lot of times I actually pass out with them or sacrifice my time with my hubby...- the mum life hey...
So I have decided to make a plan of action and get some help with my 11 month old whilst my elder goes to preschool mon-weds...
However.....have I made it happen.... nope... why? because I feel blimen guilty... I feel I am the best for him, I want to be with him...... But in all honesty I need some help.... I basically run this ship by myself as hubby does hours from 6am-9pm tues-fri and half day sat- and my parents unfortunately do not live local and plus they are quite old.

I believe there are a lot of women out there just like me... torn between having their kids and their career- it is very hard. I think we need to find a balance.. maybe a good 2-3 days of work?... you are allowed your own life too.
We sacrifice so so much... I believe we need to be a little kind to ourselves. Having your first child is a massive life changing situation- mostly for the woman. I would say it takes at least a year to actually get in the swing of being a mummy....
If you are passionate about your career why not have both?! Make it happen- and that goes to myself too... this mummy is on it!


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