Having Children and Having Your Career

Do you ever feel so torn between your career and being a mum? Or the amount of guilt you feel because you want to do something or even one thing for yourself whilst being mummy?

I do.....

I read an article the other day from Fergie the pop singer (in the dailymail) and it just caught my attention and I really felt I could relate to some of the things she mentioned...She started the article off with this statement;

"As a woman... the men can have all the career in the world and still have children. If you're a mum and you have a career... it's the mummy shaming: you can't do that anymore, you're a mum!."

This really saddens me... the amount of intensity and loneliness us a mums already go through transitioning from an independent ambitious woman to then becoming a mummy- where your life goes on hold for that first year/two/ten years/ever and then you hear 'mummy shaming'... *sad face*
 Luckily I actually do not come across 'mummy shaming', I actually come across ' How the f**k do you parent full time and work self employed WITH NO NANNY' .... that in itself literally says 'Career out the window...- because it is hard... however it is possible- I am doing it and so are a lot of other mummies!'

She then pulls me in even more as she mentions about her first time leaving her child to go to the studio and was in floods of tears.... now how many people can relate to this? ... definitely me
I remember the first time I left Carter (my first) I was crying so much.. and even with Jaxton-Black(11 month old) I cried and cheered at the same time hehe- second time round is definitely a little bit different because there is no breathing time...so you do look forward to breathing/going toilet on your own hehe. Leaving your kids is very hard but I do believe it can be healthy for you and for them to an extent, however some have no choice which I completely understand too...

Fergie (pop singer) then quoted;

"What am I supposed to do? I love singing and dancing. It is who I am as a human."

This I can incredibly relate too.... Incredibly relate too. I absolutely love my career- I love helping women through their pregnancy and postpregnancy- it is who I am but I obviously adore my babies too. Men or even just the one with the biggest income' can actually have the best of both worlds' but just because you do not bring in the most money does that mean you career should take the backseat? Your career is just as important- it is you.... and what if your career actually has the potential to be big? Of course your babies will always be your number one but you are allowed to be you too...
I think us mothers put a lot of guilt on ourselves- too much guilt... when we are entitled to have a life too.. ' A Happy Mummy- A Happy Home' and I truly believe that.

I remember having my first baby boy; Carter. I did literally give up my career and it made me feel like shit. I felt I had lost my identity- the person I were, I remember having really down days. So this time round I have pushed my career even more and kept myself in the loop and returned to work much quicker. To be honest I do look forward to work it's actually a little break/a refresher, when I train my clients/teach my classes I feel like Kimmy and not just mummy'mummy..hehe...

With my work growing and becoming more demanding- time is needed and not just the time when I put my babies to sleep because there is a lot of times I actually pass out with them or sacrifice my time with my hubby...- the mum life hey...
So I have decided to make a plan of action and get some help with my 11 month old whilst my elder goes to preschool mon-weds...
However.....have I made it happen.... nope... why? because I feel blimen guilty... I feel I am the best for him, I want to be with him...... But in all honesty I need some help.... I basically run this ship by myself as hubby does hours from 6am-9pm tues-fri and half day sat- and my parents unfortunately do not live local and plus they are quite old.

I believe there are a lot of women out there just like me... torn between having their kids and their career- it is very hard. I think we need to find a balance.. maybe a good 2-3 days of work?... you are allowed your own life too.
We sacrifice so so much... I believe we need to be a little kind to ourselves. Having your first child is a massive life changing situation- mostly for the woman. I would say it takes at least a year to actually get in the swing of being a mummy....
If you are passionate about your career why not have both?! Make it happen- and that goes to myself too... this mummy is on it!

X

Birth doesn't always go to plan

A Massive Congratulations to ME woohooooo.... I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy Jaxton-Black on the 13/12/2016. 

But did my birth plan go to plan?.....

Nope.

So many people said to me "your so fit, you will probably have a really good birth", and if I am honest I thought I would too. I planned for this amazing holistic mindfulness water birth in the home-from-home centre, I was actually quite excited but unfortunately it didn't happen. I must say I actually thought my Jaxton-Black was going to be two weeks early but he was actually 4 days LATE(already like his dad..hehe).

If you have been following me on my social networks (kimmy_fitness) you would have seen that I exercised right up until birth day. I am so fortunate that I was able to exercise throughout my pregnancy, as I know it incredibly helped me through labour not just physically but mentally too. I highly recommend exercising throughout pregnancy if you can because labour is a marathon/HIIT session in itself. Labour requires your mental strength as well as your physical strength/endurance and of course training through pregnancy will help with your recovery too.

Want to keep fit throughout your pregnancy?  Click hear to email Kimmy

Jaxton-Black's Birth 

Sunday night (11/12/16) my waters started leaking slowly, at first I did think I had actually wet myself and then I realised my waters had broken. This then meant that labour needed to start within 24hours incase of infection. In most cases this does happen but of course not in my case haha... and I wouldn't have expected any different either(I tend to do things the long way round), plus my boy was just wayyyyy to comfy.

After speaking with my midwife, she then booked us in for 6pm inducement at the hospital on the Monday night if labour did not start naturally(which it didn't). Of course we reached the hospital for 6pm and didn't get seen until 8.30pm but I couldn't have really expected any different, babies do not stick to any schedule.

Later that evening Jaxton-Black's heart rate was monitored when they were just about to start the inducement. About 11.45pm they induced me with the gel and a swoop which got things moving pretty rapidly, this was all completely new to me as I went into labour naturally with my first. 

Unfortunately after being induced we did have a little scare, my contractions started immediately which was fabulous(the midwife did say my cervix was favourable) but during the second contraction my tummy went rock solid and my baby boy's heart rate dropped and kept dropping. I told Hendrick(my husband) to run and get someone which then about 6-8 doctors & midwives rushed around my bed. During these few moments I thought the worst, I thought only this amount of doctors would be around my bed if something bad is happening. 

After them all staring at me and the heart rate monitor for what seemed like an hour but were only a few minutes they turned me to my side which slowly made Jaxtons' heart rate begin to rise. During this moment I really felt I had to tune into my body and calm my body down and calm Jaxton down, this seemed so crazy as I was so scared and normally when we are in fear we flee, but not in labour. In labour you have to control your body whilst dealing with extreme pain/fear. It's pretty incredible that us women actually have the ability to do this.

From this moment I just wanted my boy in my arms, most of the midwives seemed to be telling us different information, which made me feel even more unsettled, this just made me realise all I can do is focus on bringing this boy into our world safely. 

We then got moved into the labour room about 2.00am with a new midwife who seemed very unwelcoming and made me feel uneasy, I thought this was the last thing I needed. I asked her "if everything was okay" even though I were the one in labour. She didn't respond very well and questioned whether I wanted a different midwife which I then took the opportunity and said yes. It was very strange, I totally understand they must be so busy but this is a very precious, scary time for us women, a time where 'mother nature' takes over our body which makes us feel vulnerable, we need their professional support. 

We were then given another midwife who was absolutely lovely so I am very pleased I did speak up as I really needed this encouragement and professional support. Of course my husband was amazing, stuck to my side and supported me throughout but it was important for me to have a midwife I could feel comfortable with.

Throughout the rest of my labour Jaxtons' heart rate was monitored and I were given antibiotics and fluids due to the slow water breakage and Jaxtons' heart rate dropping. 

Contractions began to get more intense which then I chose to have some of the 'Gas & Air'....did that feel good or did that feel good...I could have sang my heart out being high on that stuff hehe...  

About 3.15am my contractions began to get even more intense I just knew I were in the final stages. Hendrick decided to pop to the toilet and my midwife had gone to use the computer, for a split second I thought after all of that chaos I am now about to give birth to my son on my own hehe... but it didn't happen thank goodness.

 As they returned I told the midwife he was coming soon so she checked how dilated I were which was only 3cm. Now for a first pregnancy 3cm means you have quite a way to go so it made me think he wasn't coming anytime soon. 

Labour then started to become more familiar, not that that made it any less painful. I must say there was a moment where I felt I could not do this, it was so painful, but I knew I totally could, I mean you only have that option anyways.

I kept telling myself.. "stay focused, go into a trance, take your mind to a place where only you are, be incontrol and listen to your body". 

Then about 3.45am I knew I were in the last one or two contractions, it was pretty amazing knowing that he was actually coming. As I came to my final contraction the midwife had called for more midwives then the midwife guided me to go slow-........ his head was out, she told me "ok the next contraction you need to really push" so I did, "push- Go slow, but push, but go slow, but push, in painnnnn, push, go slow, more pain".... And........He was here...

Jaxton-Black born on the 13/12/2016 at 3.52am

3.52am my boy arrived, safe and sound. Weighing 6lb 4oz. Crying as he came out but not a peep from him since. No tears, uterus has gone down nicely, breastfeeding has felt natural and breastmilk flowing through. My recovery has been amazing, thank goodness as that is what you need with a very active two and half year old. Massively recommend pregnancy exercise especially if you do need a quick recovery.

I can definitely say, I trained for Jaxtons' birth. Every hit session, Every 30/40min cardio session, Every pilates session, all massively helped me. 
If you need help exercising through your pregnancy or post-pregnancy click here to email me. 
Do check out my Pregnancy information page for lots of information about pregnancy and my 'Personal Training/ Mummyfitness' page for more information on my training programs.


If anyone knows me reading this will find this very predictable and funny what I am about to tell you... But yes I bought my own breakfast into the hospital haha ...I know I am a health freak, but I know they will not be serving any Gluten free cereal/none cows milk in the morning haha. I must say this was a savour as they did ask me to have a snack before being induced so it is worth taking in your own foods.